Shame

Shame, in its most basic form, involves feelings of inadequacy, embarrassment, or dishonour in response to real or perceived failings. In small, healthy doses, shame can serve as a guide toward self-improvement and accountability.

However, when it becomes overwhelming, it can spiral into a debilitating force, leading to emotional paralysis and self-loathing.

Western cultures tend to be more guilt-based, where the inner sense of right and wrong governs behaviour, while Eastern cultures lean towards being shame-based, where social perception and reputation are seen as important.

Yet, beyond this cultural distinction, shame is used in religious and metaphysical traditions, to foster moral development, spiritual growth, and personal transformation.

Guilt vs. Shame

Guilt is inwardly focused and moral in nature, while shame is more social and relational. Guilt arises from a violation of personal values, and even if no one else is aware of the wrongdoing, the individual feels remorse for having acted against their inner compass. 

Shame, on the other hand, is triggered by external judgment, whether real or imagined, and relates to how we perceive others see us.

Guilt tends to dominate discussions of moral and ethical behaviour in Western cultures. We feel guilty when we transgress personal moral codes. Guilt, is more insidious, it “eats” away at us internally, with little room for redemption.

Shame, allows for redemption and repair, but it requires the us to be “seen” in our wrongdoing by society or those close to us. In Eastern cultures, maintaining honour and one's place within the community often supersedes individual moral responsibility, and shame is tied to societal expectations and hierarchical roles.

We can summarise this distinction as follows:

• Guilt: Inner-directed, focused on self-condemnation for moral failings, persistent, difficult to resolve.
• Shame: Outer-directed, social and relational, concerned with how others view us, can be redeemed through confession or reparation.

Earth Element Dysfunction

Shame is associated with the Earth element and its corresponding organs: the Spleen and Stomach. The Earth element governs thought, empathy, and the ability to nurture both ourselves and others.

When the Earth element is in harmony, we are grounded, stable, and capable of healthy empathy. However, when imbalances occur, we may experience shame, which can manifest as overthinking, worry, and excessive sympathy.

Earth element enables empathy, the ability to connect deeply with others, recognising their experiences as our own. However, when this energy becomes imbalanced, it can make us codependent, excessive people-pleasers, create an overwhelming feeling of shame.

When the Earth element is out of balance, we tend to overthink and worry excessively, often placing the needs of others above our own. Shame, in this context, is guilt turned inward, resulting in negative self-talk, obsessive rumination, and feelings of worthlessness.

Dysfunction in the Earth element can lead to codependency. We lose ourselves in serving others, often neglecting our own needs and desires. This pattern creates a vicious cycle of shame, where we feel compelled to put others first, yet experience deep resentment and unworthiness afterwards.

How Shame Relates to Other Emotions:

TCM teaches that emotional imbalances often feed into other emotions:

• Anxiety (Fire) feeds Overthinking (Earth): Anxiety about the future depletes Qi, leading to excessive rumination. This energy gets trapped in the Earth element, causing overthinking and worry, which perpetuates shame.
• Shame (Earth) creates Grief (Metal): Shame causes us to turn inward and isolate ourselves, leading to grief and depression. This dynamic comes from the lies we tell ourselves about our worthlessness and unlovability, which creates a false reality that disconnects us from joy.

Shame in Religion

In Christianity, shame is often viewed as a natural consequence of sin or moral failure, yet it is not intended to be permanent. Shame points us toward the need for redemption and grace. The story of Adam and Eve is a key narrative that illustrates the emergence of shame. After disobeying God by eating from the tree of knowledge, Adam and Eve feel shame for their nakedness and attempt to hide from God. 

Christianity then offers a path to redemption through repentance and God's grace. Forgiveness and salvation are central to Christian teachings, allowing us to move beyond shame and restore our relationship with God. Christianity views shame as a temporary state that can be transcended through divine forgiveness and the acceptance of God’s unconditional love.

In Buddhism, feelings of regret or remorse for harmful actions can be useful for personal growth. Clinging to negative self-perceptions and judgments fosters delusion and perpetuates the cycle of samsara (the cycle of death and rebirth).

Buddhist doctrine encourages us to develop self-compassion and mindfulness to overcome shame. The practice of right intention emphasises letting go of attachments, including shame, in order to live a life of compassion, wisdom, and inner peace. Cultivating self-compassion is seen as an antidote to the toxic effects of shame.

In both Judaism and Islam, shame functions as a social regulator, ensuring we remain accountable not only to ourselves, but to the wider community. In these traditions, shame serves as a mechanism to maintain ethical conduct and moral behaviour within the community. 

In Judaism, shame is addressed through the practice of repentance, which involves acknowledging wrongdoing, seeking forgiveness, and making amends. This process allows us to repair our relationships with others and with God.

In Islam, modesty and self-restraint encourages believers to cultivate a sense of shame that deters them from sinful or immoral behaviour. At the same time, provision is made for forgiveness and mercy, allowing us to redeem ourselves in the eyes of both God and the community.

Other Perspectives on Shame

Gabor Maté views shame as a response to unmet childhood needs or unresolved emotional pain. Children who grow up in environments where their emotional needs are not met, or where they experience neglect or abuse, often internalise feelings of shame. They begin to believe they are inherently unworthy or unlovable.

Maté believes that “Shame is at the core of many behaviours that are addictive, or harmful. Shame tells us that we are unworthy of love and belonging. To heal, we need to reconnect with our authentic selves.” For Maté, the key to overcoming shame is not to hide it but to confront it with empathy, compassion, and authenticity.

Joe Dispenza’s work emphasises the power of neuroplasticity and mind-body coherence in transforming emotional states, including the 'low frequency emotion of shame. Dispenza explains that the brain is malleable and capable of being reprogrammed through meditation and conscious intention. Accordingly, shame is a byproduct of conditioned thoughts and patterns ingrained through past experiences.

By tapping into higher states of consciousness, we can begin to rewire the neural pathways associated with shame, creating new patterns of thought based on self-worth and empowerment; by focusing on feelings of gratitude, joy, and love.

In his book "The God Code", Gregg Braden explores the idea that the human body and consciousness are encoded with divine intelligence. According to Braden, understanding our connection to this divine source can help us transcend feelings of shame and unworthiness. He also states that shame arises from a misalignment with our true nature, which is divine and connected to universal love.

Braden encourages us to see ourselves as extensions of divine love. By recognising our inherent connection with God, we can overcome the limiting beliefs that fuel shame. The essence of Braden’s message is that we are spiritual beings having a human experience, and through alignment with our divine nature, we can heal shame and step into a higher level of consciousness.

What Is Toxic Shame?

Toxic shame produces a core belief system that tells us we are fundamentally flawed, bad, or inadequate. Unlike temporary feelings of shame, toxic shame permeates all aspects of life, affecting how we see ourselves, how we relate to others, and how we cope with challenges.

Healthy shame is a natural response to social or moral transgressions, reminding us we have violated a personal or societal standard. It’s short-lived and encourages corrective actions. Toxic shame embedds itself into a our identity.

Rather than feeling remorse for specific actions, with toxic shame, we believe that we are unworthy or undeserving of love, success, or happiness. This becomes a cycle of self-perpetuating negative beliefs, often accompanied by guilt, fear, anxiety, and depression.

Characteristics of Toxic Shame:

• Chronic Self-Blame: When experiencing toxic shame, we blame ourselves not only for our mistakes but also for our inherent flaws.
• Feelings of Inadequacy: A belief that we are not enough or we are inherently defective.
• Hyper vigilance: An overwhelming concern with how others perceive us, often leading to people-pleasing or self-isolation.
• Internal Negative Voices: Internal critical voices constantly reinforce feelings of worthlessness, often echoing early life experiences.
• Emotional Paralysis: The feeling of being stuck, unable to move forward due to a persistent belief in our inadequacy or failure.

How does TOXIC Shame arise?

Toxic shame often begins in childhood, though it can develop later in life through various experiences that challenge our sense of self-worth and dignity. Understanding the causes of toxic shame is crucial in unpacking why it becomes such a pervasive emotional state.

Childhood Experiences

• Early childhood experiences are one of the most significant factors in the development of toxic shame. When children experience neglect, abuse, or constant criticism, they internalise the belief that something is inherently wrong with them.
• Emotional Abuse: Constant criticism, belittling, and invalidation from parents or caregivers can make children feel worthless. When children are repeatedly told they are not good enough, smart enough, or lovable, they start to believe it.
• Neglect: Emotional or physical neglect leaves children feeling abandoned and unworthy of love or attention. Children who grow up without emotional validation often feel unseen and devalued, leading to a deep sense of shame.
• Trauma: Sexual, physical, or emotional trauma can deeply affect self-perception. In particular, victims of childhood abuse often blame themselves for their suffering, internalising shame as part of their identity.

Parental and Cultural Expectations

• Unrealistic or harsh expectations from parents, family, or society can also contribute to toxic shame. When children feel that they can never live up to expectations, they may internalise a belief that they are failures or inherently flawed.
• Conditional Love: Parents who provide love and validation only when their child meets certain standards (academic success, physical appearance, social behaviour) foster feelings of inadequacy. Children raised in this environment learn that their worth is conditional, leading to toxic shame when they inevitably fall short of those expectations.
• Cultural and Societal Pressures: Societal norms that place high expectations on gender roles, body image, success, and other standards can lead to shame when individuals feel they don’t measure up. Cultural shame can be particularly toxic, as it creates a sense of collective failure, especially in marginalised communities.
• Religious or Moral Indoctrination: Religious or moral teachings can unintentionally foster toxic shame, especially when they emphasise original sin, unworthiness, or the need for constant penance. Individuals who feel that they are inherently sinful or unclean may carry a deep sense of shame that becomes ingrained in their identity.

Self-Condemnation

Shame becomes toxic when it moves from being a temporary emotion to a permanent state of being. Several factors contribute to the development of toxic shame:

• Internalisation of Negative Messages: Over time, repeated exposure to negative messages from family, peers, society, or internal voices, leads to the internalisation of shame. We begin to accept these messages as truth, believing we are fundamentally flawed or unworthy.
• A Critical Inner Voice: As these negative messages accumulate, they give rise to a critical inner voice. This voice reinforces the feelings of shame, repeating the same harmful narratives: “I’m not good enough,” “I’ll never succeed,” or “I don’t deserve love.”
• Self-Perpetuating Beliefs: Once shame has been internalised, it becomes a self-perpetuating cycle. We begin to interpret new experiences through the lens of shame, finding evidence that confirms our negative beliefs. This leads to an ever-deepening spiral of shame, reinforcing the idea that they are unworthy or defective.
• Shame in the Body and Nervous System: Chronic shame triggers the fight-or-flight response, causing us to live in a state of hyper vigilance and stress. Over time, the body becomes conditioned to carry the weight of shame, leading to physical symptoms such as tension, fatigue, and even chronic pain.
• Body Posture: Shame often manifests physically in how individuals hold themselves. People who are overwhelmed by shame may adopt a hunched posture, avoid eye contact, or exhibit other signs of withdrawal, as they unconsciously try to make themselves smaller or invisible.
• Nervous System Dysregulation: Shame, when tied to trauma, can dysregulate the nervous system. It can lead to a state of freeze—a form of emotional paralysis where we feel incapable of taking action or expressing ourselves.
• Emotional Isolation and Withdrawal: One of the most damaging aspects of toxic shame is its tendency to isolate people. As shame deepens, a person may withdraw from relationships and social interactions, believing that they are unworthy of love or connection. This isolation only reinforces the feelings of shame, creating a vicious cycle.
• Hiding the Self: People with toxic shame may become hyper-aware of their perceived flaws, causing them to hide parts of themselves they feel are unlovable or shameful. This can lead to inauthenticity and a disconnection from one’s true self.
• Avoidance and Numbing: To cope with the pain of toxic shame, poeple may turn to avoidance behaviours or addictive patterns, such as substance abuse, overeating, or compulsive behaviours. These coping mechanisms temporarily numb the shame but ultimately deepen the emotional wounding.

How Qigong Helps Release Shame

Qigong’s primary function is to restore the smooth flow of Qi throughout the body’s energy meridians. Since shame leads to stagnation of energy, particularly in the Spleen and lower body, qigong movements are designed to clear blockages, promoting healing and emotional release.

Gentle Movements: Qigong incorporates gentle, flowing movements that help release pent-up energy in the body. These movements stimulate the flow of Qi in areas where shame may be energetically “stuck,” such as the lower abdomen (related to the Earth element) and the chest (where grief and self-worth may manifest).

Breathing Techniques: The breath is a central component of qigong practice. Deep, mindful breathing helps clear stagnant energy and oxygenates the body, creating space for the natural flow of Qi. The intentional breathwork in qigong helps individuals release emotional stress, such as shame, that may be stuck within their energetic and physical body.

Grounding and Strengthening the Root Chakra

The Root Chakra is associated with feelings of safety, security, and belonging. Shame often manifests here, creating a sense of disconnection from one’s foundation. Grounding is a fundamental aspect of qigong, and its practices help reestablish a deep connection to the earth and the present moment.

Grounding Exercises: Many qigong practices focus on grounding the body’s energy by connecting to the Earth element. Grounding postures, such as standing with the feet rooted firmly on the ground, help individuals reconnect with their bodies and feel a sense of stability and belonging.

Rooting Energy: Visualisation techniques in qigong, where practitioners imagine their Qi connecting deep into the Earth, help balance and strengthen the Root Chakra, promoting a feeling of safety and helping to release the energetic blockages associated with shame.

Empowering the Solar Plexus Chakra

The Solar Plexus Chakra, which governs self-worth, confidence, and personal power, is also often blocked in those experiencing shame. The collapse of energy in this chakra can result in low self-esteem and a weakened sense of personal power.

Strengthening Qi in the Abdomen: Qigong practices emphasise building and nourishing Qi in the lower dantian(an energy centre located in the lower abdomen, near the Solar Plexus). By cultivating energy in this area, qigong strengthens the body’s core, helping individuals regain a sense of self-worth and personal empowerment.

Balancing Emotional Energy: Qigong helps regulate emotions by balancing the energy between the upper, middle, and lower parts of the body. For those dealing with shame, qigong movements help release excess energy in the upper body (often related to overthinking and anxiety) and restore strength and grounding in the lower body, empowering the Solar Plexus Chakra.

Releasing Emotional Tension and Trauma

Shame is often linked to unresolved emotional trauma or difficult past experiences. As Gabor Maté and other experts have pointed out, emotional traumas often manifest as physical and energetic blockages within the body. Qigong offers a way to gently release these traumas.

As we practice qigong, we often experience emotional release through movement and breath. This is because the practice stimulates our meridians and releases stored energy that may be linked to emotional pain. Qigong helps clear the emotional residue left by traumatic or shame-inducing experience, and helps to move this energy out of the body.

Emotions can be embedded in our cellular memory. Qigong aids cellular healing by reprogramming the our energy fields, allowing us to rewrite the emotional patterns that hold them in shame.

Practices for Shame in Qigong

Qigong is not only a movement practice but also incorporates meditative techniques that help calm the mind and promote emotional healing. For those dealing with shame, these meditative aspects can help reframe negative self-talk and restore a sense of self-compassion.

Through qigong meditation, we are encouraged to focus on the sensations in our body to become more aware of where we hold shame.This focussed awareness can begin to release emotional tension and invite healing.

One of the central meditative practices in qigong is direction our attention to the microcosmic orbit, where we circulate Qi throughout the governor and conception meridians. This practice is particularly useful for releasing energetic blockages tied to shame. By moving energy through a circular flow, the microcosmic orbit helps harmonise our energy and dissipate stagnant emotional energy.

Shame can create a sense of separation from one’s higher consciousness. Qigong helps us reconnect with our spiritual essence. Focusing on Universal Qi shows us that we are not separate from the universe but are part of the universal flow of energy.

Cultivating Qi and circulating it throughout the body, reminds us of our inherent connection to the universe. This realisation helps dissolve the limiting beliefs tied to shame, allowing us to transcend emotional suffering and find peace in the oneness with all of creation.

Shame closes off the heart, leading to feelings of isolation and disconnection. We often us Qigong to focus on opening our heart centre, to cultivate compassion and self-love, which are essential for overcoming shame.

Breathing into the heart, that is to say, directing Qi into the heart helps us release emotional pain and open ourselves to the healing energy of unconditional love. By cultivating love for oneself, the energetic burden of shame is lifted.